Top Ten Henchmen

Empire Magazine has layed out its top ten movie henchmen.

1. Wez – The Road Warrior (1981)
2. Odd Jobb – Goldfinger (1964)
3. Tony and Joey - Midnight Run (198
4. Luca Brasi - The Godfather (1972)
5. Uli - Die Hard (198
6. Manny - Scarface (1983)
7. Powell - National Treasure (2004)
8. Mr. Joshua - Lethal Weapon (1987)
9. Maximillian - The Black Hole (1979)
10. The Flying Monkeys - The Wizard Of Oz (1939)

Wez and Odd Jobb are agreed. But the rest? “Maximillian” from “The Black Hole”? “Powell” from “National Treasure”? Who the hell are those idiots? The flying monkeys is inspired, but the rest make no sense.

Here’s Grumpy Guy’s top ten movie henchmen.

10. Romero (Frank Doubleday)
Boss: The Duke of New York
ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK (1982)

Romero is kind of a pussy, less of a henchman and more of a court jester. But weird and unsettling. If he doesn’t do the ass kicking himself, he’s at least organizing the shit. I didn’t like the guy the minute he turns up on screen.

9. Bolo (Bolo Yeung)
Boss: Han
ENTER THE DRAGON (1973)

This is a dude who can’t wait to break some necks and some spinal chords with his bare hands. What’s laughable is that John Saxon gets the better of him in the movie. Yeah. Right.

8. Jaws (Richard Kiel)
Boss: Karl Stromberg
THE SPY WHO LOVED ME (1976)

A bit cartoonish, but an entertaining henchman. I could never stop looking at that knot in the middle of his forehead. It freaked me out more than the teeth.

7. Molly (Joe Don Baker)
Boss: The Mob
CHARLEY VARRICK

Okay, I might be drawing a line here between henchman and hitman, but they basically perform the same functions at times. Molly is one determined, sadistic, fuck wad. He definitely takes after Odd Job, using a sinister smile to unnerve his opponents before stomping a mud hole in someone’s ass.

6. Gort (Lock Martin)
Boss: Klaatu
THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL (1950)

Who says the henchman has to be a bad guy? What I dig about Gort is that he can kill an entire planet if he has too.

5. Wilmer (Elisha Cook Jr.)
Boss: Kasper Gutman (The Fat Man)
THE MALTESE FALCON (1941)

Probably the most emotionally insecure henchman in all of cinema. I think Bogie kicks his ass twice and makes him cry at least once. What I like about Wilmer is his loyalty, very important in henchmen, and his false sense of bad assness. He’s a crybaby.

4. Al Neri (Richard Bright)
Boss: Michael Corleone
THE GODFATHER (1972)

Empire chose Luca Brasi at number four on their list from The Godfather. But Luca is never shown actually killing anybody. The bad ass henchman in the family is Al Neri, who off’s Don Barzini at the end of I and wacks Fredo in II. Wacking the boss’s brother… now that’s cold blooded.

3. Pierre Nicoli (Marcel Bozzuffi)
Boss: Alain Charnier
THE FRENCH CONNECTION (1971)

This is one wormy son of a bitch. But he’s a bad ass. Killing mofo’s and stealing their groceries.

2. Wez (Vernon Wells)
Boss: Lord Humungus
THE ROAD WARRIOR (1981)

I remember seeing this in the summer of ’81 at theater called the Avalon. The Avalon seats about ten people. I was in the front row. This movie was larger than life, and Wez was the kind of crazy villain you knew even if you killed him, he would not die. He’s that kind of a bad ass.

1. Odd Job (Harold Sakata)
Boss: Auric Goldfinger
GOLDFINGER (1964)

Odd Job was scary, not because of his guillotine hat, but because of his smile. I think he was the first villain to smile at a mofo while he was kicking ass.

Honorable mention:

Weenie (Gregory Walcott)
Boss: Mary Ann
PRIME CUT (1972)
Weenie, a large boned, hick, idiot, helps his brother, Mary Ann, make hot dogs out of anything — including people that annoy them.

Claude Mulvihill (Roy Jensen)
Boss: Noah Cross
CHINATOWN (1974)
Mulvihill is mostly there as fodder for Jack Nicholson to ridicule, but he gets a few good licks in at times. Jensen also played a pretty good henchmen named Puddler in “Harper”.

Tommy DeVito (Joe Pesci)
Boss: Paul Cicero
GOODFELLAS (1990)
Too much of a central character to be a true cinematic henchman, but still technically qualifies.

Michael (Hal Baker)
Boss: Lou Craddock
A BOY AND HIS DOG (1975)
Michael is actually several different androids played by one actor, but he’s creepy as hell.

Mr. French (Ray Winstone)
Boss: Frank Costello
THE DEPARTED (2006)
A fine henchman that may bump out “Jaws” or “Bolo” someday from the top ten.

Darth Vader (James Earl Jones and David Prowse)
Boss: The Emperor
STAR WARS (1977)
Technically Darth is a henchman, but Like Tommy DeVito, too central a character, so he misses the top ten.